One Night In The Hot Tub

 Circle Jerk With The Fellas

I’ve been friends with Cody and Marc since third grade, so it was no surprise that the three of us went to the same college after high school. We lived in the same dorm on-campus for freshman year but the summer after, we got an apartment off-campus in this cool building with an indoor swimming pool and Jacuzzi. It was in the Jacuzzi one night that we discovered just how special our friendship with each other was. We were the only ones down there that night and it was late.

“Samuel, call Carmen and see if some of her girls can come through,” Marc said.

“Nah bruh,” I told him. “She went back home this weekend. She’s not coming back until classes start back up.”

“Damn and she got that phat booty too.”

“Hey, chill out dude. That’s my girl.”

“She does have ass though,” added Cody.

“I see I’m gonna have to kick both y’all asses tonight.” I laughed and splashed water on Marc.

“I’m horny as fuck,” he said.

Cody said with a chuckle, “You’re too much of a horn dog. Bruh you just finished jerking off fifteen minutes ago and you're horny already?"

"Screw you! I don't jerk it often because I have plenty of bitches that take care of me when I need it," he said.

“Dude, you know we can hear you, right? You jerked it three times yesterday and twice today so far, but I’m really surprised you haven't caught anything yet with as many chicks you bring back.”

“All my bitches are clean. You just hate the fact that I get pussy on top of pussy, hatin’ ass busters.”

The Get-A-Way

 

Our Camping Trip

I was out in the woods with a group of friends for a two-week camping trip. Everyone was having a good time, but my buddy Dylan looked a little stressed, which was unusual, since he was such an easy-going guy. I asked him if anything were wrong, and if I could help. He looked at me, and said no, it was something he needed to deal with on his own. I respected his privacy and told him that I was there for him, and if there was anything, I could do to help him out, I would be happy to do it. That caused Dylan to pause and look me up and down. I could see on his face, that he had come to some sort of Decision.

 “Maybe you can help me out, after all.  Let's go for a walk.”

Dylan took the lead, and we went out, deep into the woods. After about twenty minutes of walking and almost is complete silence, Dylan decided to open up to me about what was going on.

“Rebecca and I broke up three weeks ago.”

“I am sorry to hear that.” I said sincerely. He and Rebecca appeared to be the perfect couple. They were really into each other and seemed incredibly happy together.

“Yeah, it’s been hard. We were together for three years and she was great. She was the first girl that I met that liked sex as much as I do. Her appetite never seemed to wane; she was horny all the time, so we fucked a couple of times a day.”

“Really? That’s amazing. What happened?” I asked trying to get the big picture.

“We realized that while the sex was amazing, we didn’t really have 

Sex Stop On The Way To The Beach

I knew a guy that would say, “You never know where your blessings are going to come from. Some people might find the use of this phrase objectionable or offensive, I for one think it’s spot on for what I am about to tell you.

My sister Lisa's friend's boyfriend's brother, Tommy, showed up for my carefully planned beach trip, invited by the boyfriend who did not think I needed to know. The car we planned to take wouldn't hold all of us and our stuff so instead of being a bitch (which was plan A) and telling him to take a hike we drove two cars. The boyfriend paid for gas as his punishment.

My sister and her friend wouldn't ride separately, and the boyfriend had to ride with them so that left me with a perfect stranger wearing an ugly ball cap climbed into the car with me. He was stoked, because I had the coolest car he’s ever seen and he’s seen a lot of cars, apparently. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the 3 beers he'd consumed while we rearranged the cars.

We were driving for maybe an hour and Tommy told me all about his fitness regimen (involves staring at girls in yoga pants at the gym and occasionally lifting some free weights) or his mint condition (except for some rust) 1984 Ford something or other and the time he almost got backstage at a Coldplay concert, before he had to piss ("like a racehorse," naturally.)

I pulled into the first gas station I saw and sat in the car, enjoying the respite from the stream of slightly-drunken consciousness that I'd been subjected to for the last 75-odd miles. When Tommy climbed back in, he flashed his guns at me and stuck out his tongue.